Read these words: “You are a fat, worthless pig.” “You’re too thin. No man is ever going to want you.” “Ugly. Big. Gross.” Horrifying comments on some awful website? The rant of an abusive, controlling boyfriend? No; shockingly, these are the actual words young women are saying to themselves on any typical day. For some, such thoughts are fleeting, but for others, this dialogue plays on a constant, punishing loop, according to a new exclusive Glamour survey of more than 300 women of all sizes. Our research found that, on average, women have 13 negative body thoughts daily—nearly one for every waking hour. And a disturbing number of women confess to having 35, 50 or even 100 hateful thoughts about their own shapes each day.
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Sunday, February 13, 2011
97% of Women Will Be Cruel to Their Bodies Today
This month in Glamour Magazine is an incredible article everyone needs to read - even men - we need this to stop, 97% of women are verbally abusive to themselves each and every day, most of us far more than once a day. As a woman who has struggled all my whole life long with an eating disorder I know the cruelty that I have treated myself with - never would I speak those words to another, or allow myself to be spoken to in that way - it's more than our bodies, we need to change our minds, hearts and souls.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Fill the house with lions
"Beware when you honour an artist.
You are praising danger.
You are holding out your hand
To the dead and unborn
You are counting on what cannot be counted.
The poet's measures serve anarchic joy
The story-teller tells one story: freedom.
Above all beware of honouring women artists.
For the housewife will fill the house with lions
and in with the grandmother
comes bears, wild horses, great horned owls, coyotes."
-Ursula LeGuin
thank you karis!
You are praising danger.
You are holding out your hand
To the dead and unborn
You are counting on what cannot be counted.
The poet's measures serve anarchic joy
The story-teller tells one story: freedom.
Above all beware of honouring women artists.
For the housewife will fill the house with lions
and in with the grandmother
comes bears, wild horses, great horned owls, coyotes."
-Ursula LeGuin
thank you karis!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
What an honor!
Erin just tipped me off to a precious gift this morning. One of my blog posts *blushes* has been listed in the "Emerging Women Best of 2008" - thank you Sonja! I am so honored.Emerging Women - Best of 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
To my daughter at 15
I am so relieved not to be at this place in parenting Alinea just yet, so I am saving this here until then. I have read Gordon's blog for years and his writing touches me deeply. I can't imagine having a father pour words like these into a daughters soul.
My favorite part is:
My favorite part is:
Now, my young woman. Now have come the days of your choosing. You are both discovering and deciding what kind of woman you will be. You are deciding what of your life will be hidden and what you will show. Choose carefully, for what shames you now may serve you one day. And what serves you now may one day make you ashamed. Many girls will lose themselves in this time. They may find themselves again someday, but many years will be lost.Read the whole piece here: Real Live Preacher - To My daughter at 15
Monday, November 17, 2008
Crack....crack...crack...
What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.
Source: Muriel Rukeyser,From Cries of the Spirit, edited by Marilyn Sewell
via inward/outward
The world would split open.
Source: Muriel Rukeyser,From Cries of the Spirit, edited by Marilyn Sewell
via inward/outward
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Old Sow
As part of the masters program I am participating in we are in the middle of intensive classes right now. One of them is a spiritual direction class taught by my friend Lorna. She is leading us through some Ignatian prayer exercises and we began the class by recalling a memory that happened while we were preparing for this module.
Because I live local to the university I got to play this past weekend instead of having to worry about packing and traveling like so many of my fellow students. On Saturday my family and friends joined a tour of the Passamaquoddy Bay to see the whales, seals and local sites. It was a joy to introduce our kids to the 60' fin whale just feet from our boat and see the joy on their faces as they connected with such beauty.
My favorite part of the trip was after that though when our boat found The Old Sow whirlpool. The thing about the Old Sow is that you have to be at the right place at the right time, and we were. It was a moon tide, and we were there at high tide and it was like being a potato in a big boiling pot of stew. Our boat sat atop the swirling, churning water, surrounded by the chaos. The convergence of the bays meeting the ocean while the tide changes churns up the water unlike any other place in the world. It felt somehow prepared by God. I knew it was special. I didn't know why, but it's promise stayed with me and I knew that it's richness would pull forward and unpack itself in a profound and powerful way.
This was the memory I recalled in Lorna's class. I don't know why I chose it, or rather why it chose me, but I spoke of it there and have been chewing on it since.
For those of you who know me personally you may know that I struggle with food addiction and body image. You also know that I love a good metaphor like little else in the world. I figured these things were somehow tied together but I couldn't really noodle them out. I have thought about it during any moment of free time I have found these past couple of days.
The first thing I began to think about was the name "The Old Sow". As a large woman I am very sensitive to animal names used in conjunction with fat people - cow, pig, whale. Sow is a word deep with cruelty in my language memories and I tried to think of all of the reasons that it might have been used to name this geographical phenomenon.
We used to live next to a pig farm for a season and I am very familiar with the vivid sight, smell, violence and noise an "old sow" brings to mind. Very little of it was positive. I began to sit with the emotion that word brought to my mind. My body has been feeling so old to me lately. I look at my hands and feet and see the skin's elasticity is retreating and I am left in my weight loss with more wrinkles and less beauty. I catch my image in the mirror when changing and understand it's not just my hands and feet that are showing their age. I begin to connect with these words on a cellular level. Old Sow. I breathe. I know. I feel my age and my body around me.
Much of the scars my body bears come from birthing my beautiful children. Nursing them to life and growth. Kind of like that old sow. She has been faithful to her vocation. She has given herself well to her place in life. She has fulfilled the call on her life well. Birth. Nutrients. Protection.
And then I remembered the wildlife we saw at the whirlpool. This place was one of the richest places on earth for the whales, birds, seals and porpoises we saw surrounding us. That Old Sow was feeding everyone. Life was continuing to churn and grow because of that Old Sow. This fertile place was continually a place of life, a place of bounty.
I remember back to a word that was spoken to me before we moved here. I called a friend who had been dear to me and was mentoring me in our last church with excitement to tell her of our decision to move here. She said "Oh Heidi, you don't want to move to New Brunswick. New Brunswick is barren."
That word hung around my neck for months. You see I had 9 years of infertility, an infertile woman understands barren. I have lived through barren years and greatly feared more. I remember finally mustering the courage to talk about this one day and it was then that I decided then to give that word back.
New Brunswick has been the richest, most fertile place we have ever lived. I am constantly amazed at the depth of soul, the beauty that surrounds us and the abundance of riches we have received since we have lived here. The Old Sow reminded me again of THIS place. This place where my feet walk, where I am placing down roots. It is life giving. Is sustaining. Is nurturing and mothering to me.
The Old Sow speaks of the feminine to me. The mothering and grandmothering that I have so longed for in my life. The place where so many things converge, join and journey on, just like that place in the water.
This place, this person, this body, this soul - rich, fertile, life giving, bountiful, abundant, feminine, maturing, deep, changing and faithful.
This is the place I will feed and feed others.
Because I live local to the university I got to play this past weekend instead of having to worry about packing and traveling like so many of my fellow students. On Saturday my family and friends joined a tour of the Passamaquoddy Bay to see the whales, seals and local sites. It was a joy to introduce our kids to the 60' fin whale just feet from our boat and see the joy on their faces as they connected with such beauty.
My favorite part of the trip was after that though when our boat found The Old Sow whirlpool. The thing about the Old Sow is that you have to be at the right place at the right time, and we were. It was a moon tide, and we were there at high tide and it was like being a potato in a big boiling pot of stew. Our boat sat atop the swirling, churning water, surrounded by the chaos. The convergence of the bays meeting the ocean while the tide changes churns up the water unlike any other place in the world. It felt somehow prepared by God. I knew it was special. I didn't know why, but it's promise stayed with me and I knew that it's richness would pull forward and unpack itself in a profound and powerful way.
This was the memory I recalled in Lorna's class. I don't know why I chose it, or rather why it chose me, but I spoke of it there and have been chewing on it since.
For those of you who know me personally you may know that I struggle with food addiction and body image. You also know that I love a good metaphor like little else in the world. I figured these things were somehow tied together but I couldn't really noodle them out. I have thought about it during any moment of free time I have found these past couple of days.
The first thing I began to think about was the name "The Old Sow". As a large woman I am very sensitive to animal names used in conjunction with fat people - cow, pig, whale. Sow is a word deep with cruelty in my language memories and I tried to think of all of the reasons that it might have been used to name this geographical phenomenon.
We used to live next to a pig farm for a season and I am very familiar with the vivid sight, smell, violence and noise an "old sow" brings to mind. Very little of it was positive. I began to sit with the emotion that word brought to my mind. My body has been feeling so old to me lately. I look at my hands and feet and see the skin's elasticity is retreating and I am left in my weight loss with more wrinkles and less beauty. I catch my image in the mirror when changing and understand it's not just my hands and feet that are showing their age. I begin to connect with these words on a cellular level. Old Sow. I breathe. I know. I feel my age and my body around me.
Much of the scars my body bears come from birthing my beautiful children. Nursing them to life and growth. Kind of like that old sow. She has been faithful to her vocation. She has given herself well to her place in life. She has fulfilled the call on her life well. Birth. Nutrients. Protection.
And then I remembered the wildlife we saw at the whirlpool. This place was one of the richest places on earth for the whales, birds, seals and porpoises we saw surrounding us. That Old Sow was feeding everyone. Life was continuing to churn and grow because of that Old Sow. This fertile place was continually a place of life, a place of bounty.
I remember back to a word that was spoken to me before we moved here. I called a friend who had been dear to me and was mentoring me in our last church with excitement to tell her of our decision to move here. She said "Oh Heidi, you don't want to move to New Brunswick. New Brunswick is barren."
That word hung around my neck for months. You see I had 9 years of infertility, an infertile woman understands barren. I have lived through barren years and greatly feared more. I remember finally mustering the courage to talk about this one day and it was then that I decided then to give that word back.
New Brunswick has been the richest, most fertile place we have ever lived. I am constantly amazed at the depth of soul, the beauty that surrounds us and the abundance of riches we have received since we have lived here. The Old Sow reminded me again of THIS place. This place where my feet walk, where I am placing down roots. It is life giving. Is sustaining. Is nurturing and mothering to me.
The Old Sow speaks of the feminine to me. The mothering and grandmothering that I have so longed for in my life. The place where so many things converge, join and journey on, just like that place in the water.
This place, this person, this body, this soul - rich, fertile, life giving, bountiful, abundant, feminine, maturing, deep, changing and faithful.
This is the place I will feed and feed others.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Beloved Beginner
I guess this is the week for links to my blogger buddies - my friend Elizabeth has been a kindred soul for years. She's a missionary in Montenegro and has also been working on her Masters degree. I hope she doesn't mind, but I'm quoting her post here in toto because it so resonates with what I have recently voiced in Reconstructing Heidi and Leaning into the Fear. Please make sure to go to her blog though to leave comments about her profound words there!
Beloved Beginner - Speaking in My Own Voice
Thank you Elizabeth - it is astounding to read my thoughts and fears outside of my own head. I can't wait to read that book you highlighted and learn how to dance myself.
Beloved Beginner - Speaking in My Own Voice
"I just finished re-reading Confessions of a Beginning Theologian (which I’ve quoted before here and have posted a brief reaction to on my Reading in 2008 page). It’s an autobiographical book which describes the author’s journey from a fundamentalist upbringing to becoming a professor of Systematic theology. So much of what Fraser writes about her struggle to find her own voice and to speak confidently (without fear of what other people think) resonates with me. And it resonates not just in the context of being a woman who is venturing into the male-dominated world of theology, but also in the broader context of day-to-day life and relationships. Take the following quote for example:
I began finding my public voice…. I began speaking from my heart. Reluctantly, I gave up my lifelong habit of watching myself out of the corner of my eye. I stopped trying to phrase things so that no one could possibly disagree with me. Word by word, I learned to speak just as I was — not as I thought I ought to be, and not as I thought others wanted me to be. I began paying attention to others’ responses and mine, instead of rushing ahead to the next thing I wanted to say. It was like learning to dance. Practice, practice, practice. Three steps backward, one step forward. (Elouise Renich Fraser, Confessions of a Beginning Theologian, 1998, IVP)
Oh how I wrestle with that same issue: wanting to phrase things in such a way that no one will be hurt or offended, so that no one can misunderstand or disagree. This is not because I don’t have definite, strong opinions about a variety of issues, it’s because I am sometimes uncomfortable with the impact that my words may have on others. Even here, on this blog, there are topics I stray away from because I know that there are those among my dedicated readers who probably disagree with my way of thinking about certain issues. I’m challenged to stop being afraid of my own voice and to learn to join the conversation in a new way. I’m pondering what that might look like at this stage in my life."
Friday, March 28, 2008
Here come the girls
I highlighted a work that was being done with the women of Sierra Leone by Ann Jones and the IRC with blogging and digital cameras. They had given digital cameras to women to document their lives and it changed things so miraculously. Tiny technology empowered these women so beautifully - they decided it was time for some girls to tell their stories too.
Today is the first post in the series and it is filled with hope and I can't wait to read more:
IRC: Here Come the Girls
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Freedback: Unilever - Update
Dear Unilever Brands,
I want to take this time to thank you for all of the work you are doing through Dove brands and beauty awareness. This campaign is life giving beautiful work. I want my daughter to grow up knowing the things that the Dove Beauty campaign is teaching the Western world.
I stood at the pharmacy today to spin the bottle of AXE body spray in my hand because for the past couple of days I have seen some of THE most offensive commercials I've ever been exposed to for the young male teen body spray. I was crestfallen to see that YOUR VERY SAME COMPANY was the maker and purveyor of this backward, obscene trash. Young girls stripped to their underwear in public buses and grocery stores. "HOW CAN THIS BE THE SAME COMPANY BUILDING UP MY DAUGHTER" I ask myself. I am sickened by your divisive messages. How is my 12 year old daughter supposed to understand this, or my 10 year old son? Stunning young women stripped from their clothing so they can be ogled by some scent-spraying predator? Is this truly the message you want to send?
Women reduced to body parts in one ad, followed by another that tells them the exact opposite. Shame on you. It's pandering. It makes me wonder if you really mean what you say in the Dove commercials or if it's just a marketing tool used to woo the money from the pockets of women? I cannot stomach such hypocrisy. I have never held major corporations in high esteem. I know you are profit driven - but this Dove campaign won me over. I really believed you. I am so disappointed.
Friends - if you are as frustrated as I am with this mixed message please blog on this and then follow this link and tell Unilever about it. Leave me a comment and I'll add the link to your blog post here, consider this a meme, and I've tagged you all.
I am really considering a major switch away from any and all product lines they manufacture and promote. I am not a boycotter at heart, but this really saddens me.
CONTACT UNILEVER HERE
I will also post any response I receive from Unilever here.
These are the brands I have in my home at this very moment made by Unilever:
Bertolli, Dove, Hellman's, Wishbone, Knorr, Lipton, Sunlight & Vaseline... that's quite a loss of shopping revenue.
Here's the response I've gotten from Unilever UK:
Hi Heidi,
Thanks so much for writing!
Unilever is a large, global company with many brands in its portfolio. Each brand's efforts are tailored to reflect the unique interests and needs of its audience. As a manufacturer we feel it is a major responsibility to provide our friends and consumers with the most creative and informative means of advertising possible.
In developing product messages, Unilever and its agencies may not always anticipate all possible implications of an advertisement or television commercial. It is never our intent to offend anyone.
Consumer comments are very important and evaluated on a regular basis. Your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate staff within the company.
Chris Green
Unilever Consumer Services
Response from Dove Canada
Hi Heidi,
Thank you for taking the time to share your concerns with us. I'm sure you can appreciate that as individual brands, and as a company, Unilever takes its marketing responsibilities very seriously.
We have a wide portfolio of everyday consumer brands across both foods and home and personal care - offering products to consumers that address different needs. Each of our brands talks to its target consumers in a way that is relevant and that communicates its own unique proposition.
What unites all the products in the Unilever portfolio is our Vitality mission, which seeks to promote products that help our consumers look good, feel good, and get more out of life.
Unilever is a large, global company with many brands in its portfolio. Each brand's efforts are tailored to reflect the unique interests and needs of its audience. "The Dove brand is dedicated to making more women feel beautiful everyday by widening today's stereotypical view of beauty and inspiring women to take great care of themselves. "As part of this commitment, the brand created the Dove Self Esteem Fund to educate and inspire girls on a wider definition of beauty. The brand is dedicated to reach 5 million girls by 2010 with self-esteem programming. (in addition to the million girls they have reached thus far)
The Axe campaign is a spoof, of "the mating game" and men's desire to get noticed by women and not meant to be taken literally. "This campaign is targeting guys 18-24. Axe regularly tests its campaign with men and women who have shared that they see these ads as clever and funny .
Consumer comments are very important and evaluated on a regular basis. Your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate staff within the company.
Chris Green
Dove Consumer Services
I guess they don't have any problem at all with their mixed messages... sigh.
I want to take this time to thank you for all of the work you are doing through Dove brands and beauty awareness. This campaign is life giving beautiful work. I want my daughter to grow up knowing the things that the Dove Beauty campaign is teaching the Western world.
I stood at the pharmacy today to spin the bottle of AXE body spray in my hand because for the past couple of days I have seen some of THE most offensive commercials I've ever been exposed to for the young male teen body spray. I was crestfallen to see that YOUR VERY SAME COMPANY was the maker and purveyor of this backward, obscene trash. Young girls stripped to their underwear in public buses and grocery stores. "HOW CAN THIS BE THE SAME COMPANY BUILDING UP MY DAUGHTER" I ask myself. I am sickened by your divisive messages. How is my 12 year old daughter supposed to understand this, or my 10 year old son? Stunning young women stripped from their clothing so they can be ogled by some scent-spraying predator? Is this truly the message you want to send?
Women reduced to body parts in one ad, followed by another that tells them the exact opposite. Shame on you. It's pandering. It makes me wonder if you really mean what you say in the Dove commercials or if it's just a marketing tool used to woo the money from the pockets of women? I cannot stomach such hypocrisy. I have never held major corporations in high esteem. I know you are profit driven - but this Dove campaign won me over. I really believed you. I am so disappointed.
Friends - if you are as frustrated as I am with this mixed message please blog on this and then follow this link and tell Unilever about it. Leave me a comment and I'll add the link to your blog post here, consider this a meme, and I've tagged you all.
I am really considering a major switch away from any and all product lines they manufacture and promote. I am not a boycotter at heart, but this really saddens me.
CONTACT UNILEVER HERE
I will also post any response I receive from Unilever here.
These are the brands I have in my home at this very moment made by Unilever:
Bertolli, Dove, Hellman's, Wishbone, Knorr, Lipton, Sunlight & Vaseline... that's quite a loss of shopping revenue.
Here's the response I've gotten from Unilever UK:
Hi Heidi,
Thanks so much for writing!
Unilever is a large, global company with many brands in its portfolio. Each brand's efforts are tailored to reflect the unique interests and needs of its audience. As a manufacturer we feel it is a major responsibility to provide our friends and consumers with the most creative and informative means of advertising possible.
In developing product messages, Unilever and its agencies may not always anticipate all possible implications of an advertisement or television commercial. It is never our intent to offend anyone.
Consumer comments are very important and evaluated on a regular basis. Your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate staff within the company.
Chris Green
Unilever Consumer Services
Response from Dove Canada
Hi Heidi,
Thank you for taking the time to share your concerns with us. I'm sure you can appreciate that as individual brands, and as a company, Unilever takes its marketing responsibilities very seriously.
We have a wide portfolio of everyday consumer brands across both foods and home and personal care - offering products to consumers that address different needs. Each of our brands talks to its target consumers in a way that is relevant and that communicates its own unique proposition.
What unites all the products in the Unilever portfolio is our Vitality mission, which seeks to promote products that help our consumers look good, feel good, and get more out of life.
Unilever is a large, global company with many brands in its portfolio. Each brand's efforts are tailored to reflect the unique interests and needs of its audience. "The Dove brand is dedicated to making more women feel beautiful everyday by widening today's stereotypical view of beauty and inspiring women to take great care of themselves. "As part of this commitment, the brand created the Dove Self Esteem Fund to educate and inspire girls on a wider definition of beauty. The brand is dedicated to reach 5 million girls by 2010 with self-esteem programming. (in addition to the million girls they have reached thus far)
The Axe campaign is a spoof, of "the mating game" and men's desire to get noticed by women and not meant to be taken literally. "This campaign is targeting guys 18-24. Axe regularly tests its campaign with men and women who have shared that they see these ads as clever and funny .
Consumer comments are very important and evaluated on a regular basis. Your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate staff within the company.
Chris Green
Dove Consumer Services
I guess they don't have any problem at all with their mixed messages... sigh.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
16 stories, 16 days
International Rescue Committee (IRC) is featuring 16 women's stories for the next 16 days - a photo and a story each day to your inbox from women living through war.PORTRAITS OF POWER:
PHOTOS OF WOMEN OF WAR
The IRC is in conflict zones around the world, helping many thousands of women and girls every day. We know they have much to say and we know how easily their voices are lost, so we're working with writer, photographer and long-time women's advocate Ann Jones to give them an opportunity to speak, loudly and clearly.
With digital cameras, women who have survived conflict, displacement, discrimination, sexual and domestic violence vividly document their own lives. Through these personal photographs, stirring portraits are revealed and women come together to tell stories of strength, reclaim their rights and make their voices heard.
Be a part of this powerful exchange, which begins tomorrow, November 25th, to kick off "16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence." Over the course of the 16 Days, you'll be inspired by the many extraordinary changes these brave women make with the bold clicks of their cameras.
Just sign up for our 16 Days e-mail list, and on each of those days you'll get a special
e-mail with one woman's photo, an amazing story and a chance to add your own voice. Afterward, you'll get occasional updates from Ann and the IRC about the latest stories, IRC programs empowering women, and the many ways YOU can help.
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