Real

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Source: The Velveteen Rabbit

Don't turn your back on the possibility

To embrace one's brokenness, whatever it looks like, whatever has caused it, carries within it the possibility that one might come to embrace one's healing, and then one might come to the next step: to embrace another and their brokenness and their possibility for being healed. To avoid one's brokenness is to turn one's back on the possibility that the Healer might be at work here, perhaps for you, perhaps for another.

Source: Robert Benson, Living Prayer

inward/outward

The Beautiful No

Donald Miller announced the winner to the story contest yesterday, sadly it was not me. I realized along the process that wanting/wishing/hoping/asking is the most important "winning" I could do. Somewhere along my 44 (almost 45) years I have had the hoping taken out of me. I am a positive person and usually quite content, so this surprised me when I realized it. Between the last week when they originally were supposed to announce the winner and yesterday I began to realize that not hoping/wishing/wanting somehow happened because I thought I was too fragile to be disappointed. I truly am not.

I don't like disappointment, but I would far rather hear the beautiful "NO" than live a life that is void of hoping. I also want to be able to hear the beautiful "NO" if it is one that protects me from ruin. Looking back the hard "No's" that I/we have received along our path have always been the best answer. That house we had our hearts set on - big, beautiful and a money pit - that no saved us from financial ruin as I can now see how much the current owners are having to do to keep up. How much more life giving our real home is because it doesn't need everything done to make it livable. That NO was truly a gift. We didn't think so at the time, but looking back truly understand it's beauty.

So, I am not fragile, and I will keep hoping/wishing/wanting/dreaming and listening for that beautiful no, even if it disappoints - because everything truly is unfolding as it should.

Words fall in

As we are, our hearts are closed, and we cannot place the holy words in our hearts.

So we place them on top of our hearts.

And there they stay until, one day, the heart breaks, and the words fall in.

Source: Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

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I heard that you like broken things

thank you bob

Home Safe

We have been home for almost 24 hours now and it feels SO GOOD! Jacob is doing amazingly well for all of the changes he has to face. I kept him home from school today as the teacher didn't need "oh and by the way I have diabetes" first thing after two snow days.

I am meeting with the teaching team tomorrow at 2:00 to help them all be on the same page. I have to admit I'm a bit intimidated, but I know that it's for his care and that the Diabetic nurse on Jake's team has already done a teaching time at his school earlier this year - I don't have to teach them about diabetes - I have to teach them about Jacob, and other than him, I guess I'm the expert :)

It truly changes everything though. Gotta run and get supper on (on time!) The routine is starting to sink in, but it's a bit of work. Keep praying for us all (Alinea included) if you think of us - it's quite an adjustment we're all making. Thanks for your encouraging notes and prayers!! Much love!

Getting back to himself

Well, the diagnosis of JD isn't the best in the world but knowing is WAY better than not knowing. I feel the weight of the world off of my shoulders and shared by so many of the staff here and the doctor is amazing.

He looks like himself again and although we're tired and not sleeping well things are progressing. I think we're here until Wednesday though, so please pray for sleep if possible.

Thanks so much!

Please pray for my son Jacob

We have noticed in the past week that Jake has lost a lot of weight and he's always thirsty and we have suspected he might have Type I Diabetes. My father is type I and after reading an update email my friend Gracie, who is an RN in Australia and who's son is 12 and was diagnosed last year called me on the phone and told me to get him to emerg. Keith took him and they're doing bloodwork. Please pray he gets the help he needs.

Pray for me too as I'm a bit freaked out. I'll keep you posted.

Healing but never whole

It always gives me peace to find out that maybe I'm not the only person who struggles. My friend highlighted this poem on her blog today and wrote so honestly about her own struggles in marriage. She remembered reading this poem way back before she was married and how it returned to her at just the right time.

It's timing for me is perfect too:

Marriage

It is to be broken.
It is to be torn open.
It is not to be reached and come to rest in ever.
I turn against you, I break from you, I turn to you.
We hurt, and are hurt, and have each other for healing.
It is healing.
It is never whole.

by Wendell Berry

You can read what my dear, deep friend Claudia Mair wrote about Wendell and marriage here: Wendell had it right