100 months

While I was babysitting the daughter of my good friends Jeremy & Jennifer I got a chance to read some of Miroslav Volf's new book Against the Tide: Love in a Time of Petty Dreams and Persisting Enmities. It was a special treat and Jeremy left it out just for me (thanks Jer!) to read while she napped.

It is a book of short essays so I skipped around and sampled lots. The one that made the most impact on me was his piece on infertility. I don't have the book with me, so I can't quote it - but he wrote of the 9 years of infertility that he and his wife endured before the adoption of their first son. It resonated deeply with me as it was 9 years of trying before our beautiful Alinea came along. He used the term "100 months" and it made cry immediately. 100 months is a very long time - each and every month hating my body and feeling like a total failure, those months were the most excruciating I have ever endured.

Celebrating mothers day without a mom and without children is nearly impossible. I can remember refusing the lame carnation that was being handed out at the door to all of the mums in church that day. I could have punched out the man to tried to shove it in my hands like a consolation prize when I rejected it. Biting the inside of my cheek so I didn't yell at him or begin to break down in the foyer.

Today my Alinea is 14 years old and Jacob 12 - I can hardly remember the deep pain of those months because the joy of their arrival erased them from my active memory. Re-reading that essay brought back some of the emotion. I would encourage you to be gentle to those around you tomorrow - please don't increase their pain or their struggle with lame words that make you feel better, not them. Infertility is a horrible master and there are no words that can stem the pain.

I told my daughter yesterday about the 100 months of preperation we had for her arrival - and how that those times of lack made me a much stronger person and more ready to mother her when she arrived. I will never say that it was a gift or that learning could not have come in other ways - but I can look at that time now and realize that I am a better woman and mother because of it.

Free the Bumble!!

Just got invited by my friend on Facebook, Chris Coyle, to correct one of the greatest injustices of our generation - please read on to join our cause:

After seeing a show aimed at children in which a noble creature was taunted, baited, captured, tortured, maimed and mutilated and then used for slave labor and entertainment my daughters turned to me, horrified. I promised to do something, and I'm asking for your help.

A beautiful white ape-like creature with eerily human features and expressions once lived off in the wild frozen tundra of the polar region keeping a respectful distance from the nearest man. His icy eden was spoiled by a crazed capitalist prospector known as Yukon Cornelius who was determined to strip the area of its resources, be they gold, silver or peppermint.

Wary of outsiders following his encounters with Yukon, the gentle giant was understandably curious and terrified by a subsequent invasion by a sadistic elf accompanied by a sweet but confused reindeer. The reindeer was afflicted with a bright and shining nose. The presence of these two triggered our polar ape to give vocal warning and to follow them out to the perimeter of his territory along with the cunning Yukon.

A brief aside about the elf in question in case you doubt his character: some defect in his nature caused him to reject a life of bringing joy to children and to instead secretly delve into a fascination with inflicting pain on mankind of all ages.

After leaving the Yeti's stomping grounds the group went on to join a gang known as the Misfits who lived in colony much like Major Kurtz's. (editorial comment: have to admit, a gang led by a flying lion wearing a crown would be tempting. Moonracer, you are the coolest).

Conflicted about his 'friends' the reindeer returns to his turf, er, tundra but finds that his herd has strayed into the Yeti's domain. A natural prey of the beast, this was a foolish choice. At this point the story takes an ugly turn. Rather than allowing the Circle of Life, the the prospector and Hermey the creepy elf take advantage of the moment to bait the bumble into an ambush. Not content with rescuing the should-be meal, the twisted little Hermey pulls every tooth from the animals head and then he and Yukon mock the poor animal before attempting to push him to his death off a cliff.

In his attempt to kill the now harmless creature (who, having had his teeth pulled, unfortunately completely forgot about his fierce claws and his ability to deliver crushing eye-rolling blows using ice stalactites as a club) the penurious prospector also went over the edge.

As we find out later, the mutilated and humiliated so-called 'abominable' uses his own body to save his tormentor's life.

How is the benign benevolent Bumble rewarded for self-sacrificial act? Slavery. In one of the most blatant shockingly imperialistic quotes of the show, the treatment of the bumble is explained away as "I've reformed this bumble. He wants a job." Sick. Colonialism much? Maybe he wants his land, his teeth and his freedom!?!

I don't know what we can do but at least now you're aware.

Join Our Cause

(Thank you Chris - you have definitely missed your calling - OpEd for the Tribune is in your future!

Two Middle Schoolers!

First Day of Middle School
Grade 8 for Alinea
Grade 6 for Jacob

 

Boys (Lesson One) Jars of Clay

I just downloaded the new Jars of Clay The Long Fall Back to Earth mp3 from Amazon. It will take a bit to grow on me, the sound is new and very 80's. Not a lot of lyrics and I don't know if anything could have been good enough for me after Good Monsters.

So, it's only my first listen - but the song Boys (Lesson One) stopped me dead in my tracks. Raising a son is an education for me. I didn't have a brother and am finding walking through this has brought a lot of new realizations and learning.

This song is so beautiful and full of grace -

Lesson one, do not hide.
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
and if you have questions we can talk through the night

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
it's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
you get there in time

Lesson three, you're not alone
But since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run
But this will still be your home

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, get there in time

In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
If you ever love or loose your innocence

There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do
And when you need it most I have a 100 reasons why I love you

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, you get there in time

If you ever love or lose your innocence,
just remember....
Lesson one....

~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have a son, you need this song. It is so beautiful it makes my heart hurt.

To my daughter at 15

I am so relieved not to be at this place in parenting Alinea just yet, so I am saving this here until then. I have read Gordon's blog for years and his writing touches me deeply. I can't imagine having a father pour words like these into a daughters soul.

My favorite part is:

Now, my young woman. Now have come the days of your choosing. You are both discovering and deciding what kind of woman you will be. You are deciding what of your life will be hidden and what you will show. Choose carefully, for what shames you now may serve you one day. And what serves you now may one day make you ashamed. Many girls will lose themselves in this time. They may find themselves again someday, but many years will be lost.

Read the whole piece here: Real Live Preacher - To My daughter at 15

Mothers and daughters

Barbara Ehrenreich: Bonfire of the Princesses

Barbara Ehrenreich: Bonfire of the Princesses - Living on The Huffington Post

Go Barbara!

Home Safe

We have been home for almost 24 hours now and it feels SO GOOD! Jacob is doing amazingly well for all of the changes he has to face. I kept him home from school today as the teacher didn't need "oh and by the way I have diabetes" first thing after two snow days.

I am meeting with the teaching team tomorrow at 2:00 to help them all be on the same page. I have to admit I'm a bit intimidated, but I know that it's for his care and that the Diabetic nurse on Jake's team has already done a teaching time at his school earlier this year - I don't have to teach them about diabetes - I have to teach them about Jacob, and other than him, I guess I'm the expert :)

It truly changes everything though. Gotta run and get supper on (on time!) The routine is starting to sink in, but it's a bit of work. Keep praying for us all (Alinea included) if you think of us - it's quite an adjustment we're all making. Thanks for your encouraging notes and prayers!! Much love!

Getting back to himself

Well, the diagnosis of JD isn't the best in the world but knowing is WAY better than not knowing. I feel the weight of the world off of my shoulders and shared by so many of the staff here and the doctor is amazing.

He looks like himself again and although we're tired and not sleeping well things are progressing. I think we're here until Wednesday though, so please pray for sleep if possible.

Thanks so much!

Please pray for my son Jacob

We have noticed in the past week that Jake has lost a lot of weight and he's always thirsty and we have suspected he might have Type I Diabetes. My father is type I and after reading an update email my friend Gracie, who is an RN in Australia and who's son is 12 and was diagnosed last year called me on the phone and told me to get him to emerg. Keith took him and they're doing bloodwork. Please pray he gets the help he needs.

Pray for me too as I'm a bit freaked out. I'll keep you posted.

Savage Joy

Real Live Preacher has been one of my favorite reads for years now. Every so often he opens the door of his heart on parenting his three daughters. It is always a beautiful thing.

As Alinea and Jacob have so recently grown past the stage of needy childhood I resonate so deeply with these words:

I was drawn to my little girls in those days in ways that are quickly fading as the three sisters grow into young women. Our biological connection showed itself in my love of the smell of their scalps, my physical and intense need to hold them, and my desire to feel their small bodies pressed against my own as we watched movies together on the couch. And I always had a strong attraction to the sounds they made. Their voices were a kind of OM for me, a sound from below all sounds, a noise from the foundation of my existence. Hearing my daughters play was a joyful thing, and the ache of its absence will never heal. It is a wound I will carry as long as I walk this earth.

The best things are like this, aren’t they? They are savage and untamed. Like a great sunset, they can be discovered by chance and enjoyed, but never owned. Like love they can be received but not bought. The best things in life ride a ticklish wave along the surface of your skin, leaving raised hairs in their wake. They move through the world leaving no visible sign. You cannot follow them, nor anticipate their direction and wait for them in a blind.

You will come across spontaneous, unique moments of joy like this now and again. They are Life’s gifts to us all. They come to the washed and the unwashed, to the common and the sophisticated, to the rich and the poor, to the just and the unjust.

Moments of savage joy are there for all of us to find. If you haven’t seen one lately, you only need to slow down a bit and keep your eyes open. I can give you no counsel beyond that. But if you come across a moment of wild, untamed joy, for God’s sake eat it; drink it; hear it; receive it. This is the stuff of life. It doesn’t get any better.

You can read the whole post here: Savage Joy

Missing Madeline

This just tears at my heart. Oh God, keep her safe!

BBC NEWS | UK | Millions visit Madeleine website: "The website also features more than 7,000 messages of support.

Mrs McCann's brother-in-law Michael Wright said Madeleine's parents had been "totally overwhelmed by offers from individuals, small companies, and large multi-national corporations".

He said: "Both of them are firmly fixed on the campaign which is designed to raise Madeleine's profile right across Europe and ensure we bring her home."

Missing Madeline - Bring Madeline Home

How did I get 7 kids at my house today???

Our house is Kid Central today as Ali & Jake have a PD day. These 3 day weekends are great - but I know that they are the reason Canada doesn't get out of school until June 22nd!

Anyway - they are all playing nicely and hopefully will continue - the noise level is definitely a bit more intense than usual though. Hope the neighbors below don't mind! :)

Share, Save, Spend

Since choosing a life of simplicity Keith and I have known that we would be raising Alinea & Jacob in a different way than we were raised. Neither of us ever received much in the way of financial tools and training as children and we have spent much of our adult lives recovering from poor financial decisions. We wanted more for our kids.

The two pronged approach we decided upon was to help them understand the value of things and not their cost, which we aim to do by leaving a gentle footprint, reduce, reuse, recycle. We buy our clothing second hand, redeem things we can find either curbside or at garage sales or thrift stores and choose to live as simply as we are able. The second prong involves learning to manage what money they have access to.

Living as we do and choosing a life in ministry can give a kid the impression that they are "poor" - we have never wanted that for Ali & Jake. We knew we needed to be intentional about making sure they had money to spend, and learn and make mistakes now when they are this age and "under our wings" instead of at college when financial mistakes can sandbag a future.

About this time we had also begun to hear about a ministry called Share, Save, Spend and Nathan Dungan - it's simple kingdom economics that have seemed to fall out of favor in this highly materialistic world (church) we find ourselves. We took what we read there and coupled it with an idea from Larry Burkett and homogenized the peanut butter jars you see above.

We long for kingdom economics to play a large role in our own financial decisions, so we want to model and teach that for Ali & Jake. This small way has been a great tool for all of us and we began it at Christmas this past year. Up until this point we have had no financial "allowance" or fixed amount we gave to the kids. We knew that had to begin if they were ever going to a) learn for themselves how to manage money and b) not feel poor. We made three peanut butter jar banks for each child, cut a slot in the top, made the labels and wrapped them up as part of their Christmas presents with the promise of $5.00/week to share, save & spend.

We committed to providing them with an "income" (we are shying away from allowance because it's not a chore based system - they do their share of the work at home because we all share the load). Every pay check Keith brings home a roll of loonies (CDN $1.00 coins) and they each get 10 of them, 8 go into their spend bank and 1 each into save & share - it's not rocket science, but it does take some intention. When they receive a gift they are expected to do the math and put 10% into save and 10% into share. They get to decide what it is they are saving for and where they want to be generous with their "share" monies.

What we have seen since that time has been incredible. They have independence and can make their own decisions about their "spend" monies, are learning about the value of that money and the cost of things they dream about - and are learning to set some aside for the future and also be generous out of their own pockets. It's been really great for all of us.

I just thought I'd take a sec to blog about it in case it helps any other families in this situation. We felt for so long that we really didn't have any financial tools to pass on to our kids except for a bunch of "rules" that never seemed to help us. This simple beginning has given them a great launching pad for the future. It's opened up tons of doors conversationally and allowed us to begin to see their hearts and how they interact with finances.

I think Jesus talked so much about money because it exposes the motivations of the heart. Taking this development of this stage of their lives seriously has been really good for us all.

Ganz Webkins

I just left this comment over at Coolest Gadgets and thought that other parents might be navigating this online world like we have here. It is THE thing as far as our two kids are concerned - they LOVE their webkins, and I love that they have pets that I don't have to care for! :)

It's really a brilliant marketing idea - beanie babies with an online personality - can you say "print your own money?" Somebody at Ganz is living large now!

My own two have entered this craze in a paced and monitored way. I have looked over the website and found that it is filled with fun games (some a bit too much like mini gambling for my liking) and building homes and shopping for your pet with money you earn by doing chores and playing games.

Two things of note is that Ganz had NO IDEA the kind of server capacity they needed to maintain the popularity - this is truly a brilliant marketing idea - instant pets that don't poop, eat or shed. My kids love them. It is frustrating for them though to regularly get the "servers down" error as they don't understand all that is involved in providing this huge interactive online experience.

When Ganz introduced it's "chat" capability the server didn't last more than one hour before it was shut down and hasn't been resurrected since. I'm sure it's pouring much of it's profits into maintaining and upgrading it's online capacity as quickly as humanly possible.

I was very skeptical of the chat function and did the research so that I'm ready when the servers are back online - there are two forms of chat available - one is pre-written code lines like "I like your hat" or "Cool" kind of phrases that kids can't change or interact with other than clicking on the phrase they want to "say".

The second level is only accessible with parental permission and numbers, body parts, personal details and names are all blocked from the library of available words. Each word must be spelled correctly to get through the filters and it seems as if they have really put some thought and effort into this so as to keep the predators at bay. It can't stop them from entering the chat area, but it can stop them from dialogging with your child in an inappropriate way.

I know that before I give my own children permission I will be "logging in" as them to navigate it before I give approval. Hope that might help other parents who are wondering about this too.

Make Affluence History!

Make Affluence History - geez magazine has designed this 'sponsor a child' program for rich kids.

From the website:

It's not their fault

It's just not fair. Average children in North
America will grow up taking more than their
share of the earth's wealth.

These are caring kids who never intended
to be far richer than most of humanity.
It just happened.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

Our new wealth-reduction program can help.
In this first-of-its-kind sponsorship program,
we're inviting poorer families to sponsor a
child that's well off.

Benefits for the child:
-hope for a less-cluttered, more grounded life
-new friends from other income brackets
-join the movement to Make Affluence History
-discover a cheaper way to happiness (and maybe heaven!)

It's brilliant - I love it. I'm signing Ali & Jake up today.

Thanks to Bart for the head's up!

Some things are worth fighting for

Shari MacDonald Strong has a new article up at Literary Mama that speaks my heart well"

No Guts, No Glory

Teach our children well

Jenell Paris has some incredible insight into the Ted Haggard issue, the Christianity Today article on the same, and raising our children to be truth tellers. Woo Hoo!

The Last Thing