If it wasn't for all of the snow and two munchkins constantly reminding me about present lists and advent calendars I wouldn't really even know it was Christmas. It must be all of the needles, blood and exhaustion, but in my heart it feels a lot more like Lent than Advent right now.
This has become my life. Middle of the night blood tests and doing more math in two weeks than I do in a year. Constant thoughts of meal plans, supply lists and telephone calls to endocrinologists who should be more tired of this than I am but don't seem to be. The celebration of the holiday is just lost on me. We're supposed to get a tree this weekend, but I can't say that I even care. It seems like way more work than it's worth but maybe it can kick start me into the holiday season. I truly doubt it though.
Keith is sick and has pushed so hard to get the Activity Center ready for the grand opening yesterday. He doesn't have the resources right now either. Poor Alinea is getting the dregs and is showing the signs of all of this change too. The hardest part is that we don't have grandparents or any family to come in and save the day. It's not like we ever really have. We did two babies alone for their whole childhood. I should be used to this by now, but it just seems so real in the shadow cast by the "joy of Christmas". Having the energy to fake through this holiday to make others feel better right now just isn't possible.
I don't know how to get from Lent to Advent this year.