Bold tracks in the land of now

I was telling my friend Rachael about the level of frustration I was feeling as so much of my journey seems familiar to me again. I have been shaming myself with "You should be past this" and "You know better than this" self-talk and I realized that on the spiral staircase that is my life I am passing by some very familiar pain and wounding. I am not going backwards, but I am re-feeling and learning healthier ways to move through this stage in my life.

We used this poem last night at group and I wanted to remember it again this morning.

Help Me to Believe in Beginnings

God of history and of my heart,

so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I’ve known death and birth;

I’ve been brave and scared;

I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;

I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;

I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;

I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;

I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;

I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;

I’ve laughed and I’ve cried.

You know my frail heart and my frayed history -

and now another day begins.



O God, help me to believe in beginnings

and in my beginning again,

no matter how often I’ve failed before.



Help me to make beginnings:

to begin going out of my weary mind

into fresh dreams,

daring to make my own bold tracks

in the land of now;

to begin forgiving

that I may experience mercy;

to begin questioning the unquestionable

that I may know truth

to begin disciplining

that I may create beauty;

to begin sacrificing

that I may make peace;

to begin loving 

that I may realize joy.



Help me to be a beginning to others,

to be a singer to the songless,

a storyteller to the aimless,

a befriender of the friendless;

to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,

of assurance for the doubting,

of reconciliation for the divided;

to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,

of comfort for the sorrowing,

of friendship for the forgotten;

to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,

of sweetness for the soured,

of gentleness for the angry,

of wholeness for the broken,

of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.



Help me to believe in beginnings,

to make a beginning,

to be a beginning,

so that I may not just grow old,

but grow new

each day of this wild, amazing life

you call me to live

with the passion of Jesus Christ.

Taken from Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder