Slow, permanent change

While journalling last night I caught myself starting to feel the pressure of the New Year begun (it was after 1:00 a.m. when I was writing). I quickly caught that random thought and realized that today was no different than yesterday. Just because of a calendar flip I was programmed to play some very old tapes in my head.

As I felt the anxiety this brought I remembered that each and every new day is a calendar flip for me. One day at a time really means something to me. Recovery has taught me that slow, permanent change is far more meaningful in my life than resolutions and promises that fit into once a year commitments.

I do enjoy the fresh feeling that the New Year brings and I celebrate it joyfully - but I am doing nothing different today than I was yesterday - other than focusing on my word for this year - THRIVE.

I had some conversations today along this same line. As I processed this verbally I realized that the mindset resolutions always tricked me into was that when broken I needed another BIG day to begin again. Treating each new day as a fresh opportunity for change has been so healing for me. Today is all I have been given. I awoke to this in my inbox this morning:

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking: My name is I AM.
When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Was.
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Will Be.
When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here.
My name is I AM.

Helen Mallicoat

Source: Found in The Silence of Unknowing by Terence Grant

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