Thursday, January 01, 2009

Slow, permanent change

While journalling last night I caught myself starting to feel the pressure of the New Year begun (it was after 1:00 a.m. when I was writing). I quickly caught that random thought and realized that today was no different than yesterday. Just because of a calendar flip I was programmed to play some very old tapes in my head.

As I felt the anxiety this brought I remembered that each and every new day is a calendar flip for me. One day at a time really means something to me. Recovery has taught me that slow, permanent change is far more meaningful in my life than resolutions and promises that fit into once a year commitments.

I do enjoy the fresh feeling that the New Year brings and I celebrate it joyfully - but I am doing nothing different today than I was yesterday - other than focusing on my word for this year - THRIVE.

I had some conversations today along this same line. As I processed this verbally I realized that the mindset resolutions always tricked me into was that when broken I needed another BIG day to begin again. Treating each new day as a fresh opportunity for change has been so healing for me. Today is all I have been given. I awoke to this in my inbox this morning:

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking: My name is I AM.
When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Was.
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Will Be.
When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here.
My name is I AM.

Helen Mallicoat

Source: Found in The Silence of Unknowing by Terence Grant



Kel said...

i've been reading through bloglines, but have just realised things look different at your url

new look for the new year?
or am i just hopelessly slow ...

ps: thanx for sharing this quote, some words i needed to hear today

Heidi Renee said...

ha! I'm sitting here right now and playing with it Kel! :D you inspired me!

i actually had to upgrade my blog because i was using an old blogger code template and would have lost it if i had upgraded - so i upgraded and now have lots more to access.

come see it again soon as i tweak it today :D